Baby Reyna | 14 Weeks

Welcome 2nd trimester! I sit here with a grateful heart and hopeful spirit. When this journey started many months ago after the loss of our first baby, I didn't think we'd make it this far. With month after month of trying to achieve pregnancy (with treatments of course- thanks to my infertility issues), my spirit was darkened. Month after month brought bad news. More issues, more concerns, more hormone imbalances, more negative tests...  We are very thankful to be where we are at and know many that have been trying with treatment for years without success; so, our "trial" is nothing compared. But, trials aren't to compare. Struggles don't size each other up. A struggle is significant no matter the severity. After becoming pregnant, I actually don't think I thought much past the 12 week mark. Even now- I'm just beginning to let myself get excited and think of the weeks, months, and years to come. It's amazing how the mind takes over to try and protect the heart. Upon hearing this little one's heartbeat the first time on ultrasound around 6.5 weeks, it still didn't feel real. As my mother was present and we discussed how I was feeling after the appointment, she understood my lack of excitement--my stoic self. "You've been here before." Yes, I had. That heartbeat is amazing- and a huge step to get to. But I'd heard and seen Gabriel's heartbeat a couple times before we heard it no more. So, all of this to say, I'm just now starting to get excited and feel like this is real. Thankfully, our risk of miscarriage is statistically much, much lower at this point.

Many times, I feel badly that I've felt this way for much of this pregnancy. I've felt badly that I'm just recently starting to bond with this little one I'm carrying. The Lord already knows my heart. He knows my thoughts, my fears, my feelings. I think he understands. Through my fears, God has granted me peace. He has allowed me to understand that this truly is out of my hands. My heavenly father has drawn me near and asked me to trust in Him like I never have before. It's been a journey. It continues to be a journey. But I'm learning what trust looks like. I'm learning what truly surrendering looks like. I'm learning what it looks like to live in step with Christ day in and day out- praying in the elevator at work, while I'm driving, while I'm filling up a water pitcher... Those moments when my mind would normally turn to fear or worry, I pray.  I'm giving up my need to control and just trying to enjoy this time the Lord has set before me. And, what a beautiful time it is...

Our little biscuit is 3.5 inches long and weighs 1.5 ounces this week. Keep growing sweet one.